What is there to say about Michael, whom y’all know as Mystikal? The man causes trouble. He’s in and out of jail for offenses such as extortion, domestic abuse, tax evasion and sexual battery. His songs tend to be misogynistic, sex-laced ratchet anthems, yet he has tracks dedicated to his slain sister which showcase his compassionate, familial side. This leads me to believe that Michael is a very complex man (in my defense I believe all bad boy artists are complex people). On the track Shake Ya Ass, Mystikal yells so vigorously that I can see his neck veins popping out harder than an XXXL booty out of g-string. I can tell that the rhymes are meant to be delivered swiftly, but his loud vocals almost stunt his words. I often wondered why he rapped so angrily and my only conclusion was that he was shell shocked from his service days in the Persian Gulf War. The video for Shake Ya Ass features what is perhaps Karrine Steffans’ most infamous (music) video appearances as she wears suede pants and gold pasties on her nipples. She may be hip-hop’s most hated video vixen, but I remember watching this video as a little girl thinking she was hella sexy. Over twitter, Skinny the DJ requested we do a Ladies Love Lyrics post so this is for you, and Lala who happens to enjoy this song as well. Now y’all show me what churr werkin’ wit!
Mmm! Mmm, mmm, mmm
[Hook – repeat 2X]
Shake ya ass, but watch yourself
Shake ya ass, show me what you workin with
I came here with my dick in my hand
What a way to make an entrance. Now imagine if a woman walked into a joint holding her cooter. People would think she had an itchy infection, or perhaps she had to pee. Mys, I know you’re looking for sex, but why not hold something less conspicuous, like a cigar or a bottle or another woman’s genitals?
Don’t make me leave here with my foot in yo’ ass; be cool
And don’t worry bout how I’m rippin’ this sh*t
Mystikal is hyped the hell up. You don’t want to pick a fight with him. Just sit back and let the man do his thing and perhaps he’ll ease up on the Red Forman threats.
When I’m flippin’ what I’m kickin’ n*gga, that’s just what I do
I’m effervescent and I’m off that crescent
He’s going to flip and kick over tables. Then he’ll sparkle (effervesce) off that crescent…moon? Croissant? Yeah, I don’t quite get it either.
Nastier than a full grown German Shepherd; motherfucker keep steppin’
They don’t fuck with me and they don’t
Y’all b*tches can’t catch me and you won’t
Mystikal has the prowess of an attack dog. Ladies be careful, because he’s about to pounce! You may not be able to catch him, but he’ll surely catch you.
Pay ya fare, fix ya hair, throw that pussy
Pay your way into the club! Mystikal is nobody’s trick, he won’t be paying for sh*t! And you better look good and have good aim when you toss your cootie cat his way!
Got a Prada for boonapalist, and Donna for my babooski
You think I’m trickin’? B*tch, I ain’t trippin’
I’m buyin’ if you got nice curves for your iceberg
I wonder why my exes never referred to me as a ‘boonapalist,’ or a ‘babooski.’ Perhaps it’s because all he’d get back is a blank stare. But remember that soft side I mentioned earlier? See, he’s willing to buy designer goods for his boo things. You’ve just got to be pretty, and curvy, and prepared to be yelled at inexplicably at a moment’s notice.
Drinkin’ Henn and actin’ like it do somethin’ to me
Hope this indecent proposal make you do somethin’ with me
F*ck a dollar girl, pick up fifty
He’ll sip Hennessey and act like it does nothing to him (funny, the last time I had some I ended up spilling secrets to perfect strangers I swore I’d take to the grave). He knows he’s being far from a gentleman but he’s hoping you’ll take him up on his freaky ass suggestions. And FYI, he’s balling. No single dollar bill tips for you, girl!
And fuck that coward you need a real n*gga
Off top knick-a-boxers hurtin’ shit
Bend over hoe; show me what you workin’ with!
Whatever dude you’re with, you need to drop him. Mystikal is so rowdy, you’ll get hurt while you’re undressing one another. Now bend over like the girls in the video.
Attention all y’all players and pimps
Right now in the place to be (shake ya ass)
I thought I told y’all n*ggas before
Y’all n*ggas can’t fuck with me (watch yourself)
Pharrell has an announcement to make. I’ve see your beautiful self perform live, boo. I’ll agree with whatever you say.
Now this ain’t for no small booties
You need to have a donk, honey. But never fear, with a small amount of funds out of your savings account, you too can have a booty. How? There’s some magic in those needle vials at the surgeon’s office (I am in NO way endorsing booty injections).
No sir cause that won’t pass (show me what you workin’ with)
But if you feel you got the biggest one
Then momma come shake ya ass
Life’s a competition. Only the disproportionality blessed, anorexic-looking-waist-big-booty-having survive. You better twerk!
I like my women fire like CAY-ENNE!!
Mystikal likes his ladies hot like cayenne peppers. I personally prefer jalapenos.
Chocolate and bowlegged – when I’m runnin’ up behind her!!
Go head get ya pop-a-lock let the cock out
When I was dissecting OutKast’s Spottieottiedopaliscious, Andre 3000 also mentions his preference for bow-legged women. I’m beginning to understand…(I’m really not). I guess it’s because the hips spread yet the thighs don’t touch? I don’t know, a bow-legged girlfriend of mine once cried in dismay “I look like I’ve been riding a barrel all my life!”
For girl don’t lie you know you wanna go back to my house
“The Man Right Chea” wanna get under that dress right there
Referring to his ’97 album Unpredictable, Mystikal wants you to know he’s genuinely DTF.
You spicy cajun we gon’ a good time over there
You better suck the head on them there crawfish
Even though these are clearly sexual innuendos, now I’m just craving Cajun food.
And you gotta bend all the way over to dance off this
Handle yo’ business but I know you do it way better, you dead wrong
So if you talkin bout how n*ggas make noise when you pass by
get yo’ fine ass on the floor girl this yo’ fuckin’ song!
Dirty girl, dirty dancing. Everytime you wine up on a guy you best believe he’d getting aroused (unless your wine is weak). Men are going to holler if you’re looking like sex on a platter. Cat calls can easily be avoided by taking your sexy ass to the dancefloor where the music is super loud. “What did you say? I can’t hear you!”
Do yo’ thang dont be scared, cause you gon’ get served
You get mine then you gon’ get yours
Bout to make yo’ ass love it
Raise it up, show the G-string hustlin’ hustlin’
Typical man. Always has to bust first before he takes care of you. Damn liar. And why on earth would she be scared of Mystikal? His violent screams make him seem as approachable and docile as a baby kitten.
Stop yo’ cryin heffer, I don’t need all that
Now she’s crying! See what you’ve done! Lower your damn voice, you’re indoors and don’t refer to her as a damn farm animal!
I got a job for you – the braided up pimp is back
Break them handcuffs, fuck you n*gga move somethin’
He’s referring to the pimp and hoe game. Sometimes, the ladies on the track get arrested. You’ve got to be about that life if you’re in the game.
And if they ask you what you doin say, “Ooohh nuttin!”
A reference to the late, great Bernie Mac’s comedy routine.
And we been doin’ for the past to somethin’
And I’ve been beatin’ that pussy up now it’s smooth fuckin’
Your vagina is like a fine (expensive) luxury sports car. It might be a little rough at first for a man to get accustomed to maneuvering such fine workmanship, but eventually he’ll figure out how to give a smooth ride.
You can betcha bottom dollar; if that pussy fire
you gon’ holla Michael Tyler!
So don’t act like you don’t be backin’ that stuff up
Girl in the club, cause that’s what you got ass for
His sex game will have you screaming his government name like you sing in the opera. He’s been inticed from the time he saw your majestic booty in the club and you’ve gotten his engine revved.
Wobble wobble I’m infatuated
Bitch ride a dick like she makin’ a baby
They say it’s easier for a woman to get impregnated if she too has an orgasm, so I guess you’re gonna have to work for your own. Told you men are damn liars.
And I see that we gon’ have to go to a quiet corner for just us two and
Don’t worry about who lookin’, just keep on doin’ what you doin’
Voyeurism. I get the appeal. Backseats, football fields and highrise staircases (but I advise only the truly hardcore try this one). Sometimes it arises out of necessity (nosey ass parents) and sometimes I comes from the need for a thrill. You’ve got to be comfortable with strangers gawking though.
Cause a n*gga like me gon’ get to work before I know the girl
Bitch whats happnin’, let ’em see, show the world!
He’s a man of the millennium. First you fuck, then decide if the person is worth getting to know. Now show everyone what your werkin’ with!
Uhh.. OOOH-WEE! Good lawd!