The first time I heard How Many Licks I’m pretty sure I blushed. I used to bump this joint at a super low volume on my stereo so that my parents wouldn’t be able to hear the lyrics. Yes its raunchy, but it’s far from vulgar. Ok, maybe its a little bit vulgar, but so what? Think of the hundreds of dirty songs written by male rappers that talked about the power of their dick. It’s about time women had an anthem that glorified the mind blowing way a vagina felt. I’m glad Lil’ Kim wrote this ode to the power of the pussy. And as for the shock factor, I no longer blush when I hear this song, but it’s fun to watch others.
I’ve been a lot of places, seen a lot of faces
Ah hell I even fuck with different races
Kim is a well travelled woman. I once had a guy tell me that the best way to experience a country is to copulate with a local. Well, Kim’s done both.
A white dude – his name was John
He had a Queen Bee Rules tattoo on his arm, uh
He asked me if I’d be his date for the prom
and he’d buy me a horse, a Porsche and a farm
Sounds like one of her first boos was a guy named John. Of course, John could simply reference an everyday Joe that she had to write a ‘Dear John’ letter to. He sounds like a good starter boyfriend. The prom reference could mean that he was a high school sweetheart. He seemed to want to settle down with her as he was willing to buy her a farm and a horse. The Porsche was probably meant to cater to Kim’s love of luxury goods but since Kim never ended up with a John, it’s safe to assume that his down home dreams weren’t what she had in her plans.
Dan my nigga from Down South
Used to like me to spank him and cum in his mouth
Men from the Dirty Dirty can be one of two ways – a southern gentleman or a super masculine man of the age of Trapping. Whoever Dan was, he was into some sort of BDSM. He must have enjoyed taking on the submissive role in the relationship since he let Kim spank him and relieve herself of her..um…in his mouth…yeah.
And Tony he was Italian (Uh-huh)
And he didn’t give a fuck (Uh-huh)
That’s what I liked about him
He ate my pussy from dark till the mornin’
Called his girl up and told her we was bonin’
Which Tony is Kim referencing? A real life Tony Soprano? In the hot HBO sitcom, Tony is shown as having multiple gumars (a word used to describe the mistress of a mobster), which as television has brought the general public to believe, is accepted in the Cosa Nostra culture.
Puerto Rican papi, used to be a Deacon
But now he be sucking me off on the weekend
Wow, Kim must have the “stairway to heaven” between her legs because she convinced a man of God to engage in cunnilingus (so much for being married to God *Kanye shrug*)
And this black dude I called King Kong
He had a big ass dick and a hurricane tongue
Remember how big King Kong was? As in recall, the Empire State building was like a tree to him, so this dude must have been tall and well built. And you know what they say about tall guys…apparently they’re blessed downstairs and upstairs.
This verse goes out to my n*ggas in jail
Beatin they dicks to the double-X-L; Magazine (uhh)
You like how I look in the aqua green? Get your Vaseline
When Kim posed for an XXL magazine cover in May 2000, her hair was died aqua green. And here some of you thought a certain Barbie was the first to sport a green ‘do. I don’t know what kind of reading material they offer in prison, but somehow this very sexy edition of XXL made its way behind prison walls and now the (sexually frustrated) inmates are using it as an aid during their…self love? And the Vaseline? No, nobody’s ashy. I’ve heard that certain men (or maybe all men, I don’t know) use a jar of Vaseline to stick their member in since the warm and slippery texture mimics (notice how I say “mimics,” not replicates!) the feel of a woman’s sex organ. Have I divulged too much information? Don’t try this at home. Or try it. Whatever, just don’t tell me about it after.
Roll some weed with some tissue and close your eyes
Then imagine your tongue in between my thighs
I didn’t know they allowed drugs in jail. Contraband, I suppose? Whatever homie needs to do to help him visualize this Lil’ Kim sex fantasy she’s trying to create.
[Moans] Baby.. ohh.. yes ohh!
Jailer.. open up.. cell, block, eight
Apparently sex with Kim is your get-out-of-jail-free card.
Alright n*gga, that’s enough
Stop, look and listen; get back to your position
Kim got your dick hard, startin’ fights in the yard
Hotter than a Pop Tart fresh out of the toaster
N*ggas do anything for a Lil’ Kim poster
Further boosting her sexual prowess, Kim suggests that a stolen poster of her in jail is cause enough to start a prison yard fight. Yes, she gets the guys just that hot and bothered.
Eses, Bloods, Crips, all the thugs
Up North in the hole, they all wanna know
“Ese” is a Spanish word meaning “Homeboy.” The Bloods are a West Coast rivalry gang to the East Coast Crips (who both ironically originated in the West Coast). And jails are always situated in remote areas away from the general public.
If you drivin in the street, hold on to your seat
N*ggas, grab your meat while I ride the beat
And if you see a shiny black Lamborghini fly by ya
(Shoom!) That’s me the Knight Rider
Car sex. Fun? Dangerous? I think a whole lot of both. Kim is still driving luxury cars. I guess she traded the Porsche John bought her for a Lambo. Knight Rider references the 1980’s television show, however when a listener hears this bar, they might interpret it as “Night Rider,” someone who comes alive (sexually) in the nighttime.
Dressed in all black with the gat in the lap
Lunatics in the street – gotta keep the heat
A reference to militant gang members who always have a loaded weapon on them.
Sixty on the bezel, a hundred on the rings
Sittin’ pretty baby with a Cash Money bling
A bezel is basically a setting for a diamond, the part of the jewel-piece that holds the diamond in its place. Kim is suggesting that her diamond is 60 carats and that there’s a hundred carats worth of diamonds on the setting. Kim was also supposed to be signed to the Cash Money label but that never happened. Whatever. Consider it a bullet dodged.
12 A.M. I’m on the way to club
After three bottles I’ll be ready to fuck
A reference to Jay-Z’s song Do It Again
Some n*ggas even put me on their grocery lists
Right next to the whip cream and box of chocolates
She may sound saucy, but Kim is sweet. Her sweet flavor is further enhanced by whip cream and a box of chocolates.
Designer pussy, my shit come in flavors
High-class taste n*ggas got to spend paper
Lick it right the first time or you gotta do it over
Like it’s rehearsal for a Tootsie commercial
Basically, her Hello Kitty is the bomb. It’s the Louis Vuitton of vaginas. The Bank of America of hoo-has. It looks like a Tootsie roll and its very delicate, so you’ve got to tinker with it the right way to get it going.
Oh Kim, you dirty girl, you.